“Cacao is a space holder for what you’re meant to bring into the world.” Erin Eber
I first met 'Mama Cacao' or the 'Spirit of Cacao' in July 2018, at a Sister Circle in Manchester, held by Kate Lambert (see Kate's empowering and juicy offerings at @sistercircletemple). I didn't really know what to expect; I had read a little about it on a blog post the day of the event and all I really knew was to expect a heart-opening...
Sat in a circle of women in a quaint town hall in Manchester, I was handed my first cup of Ceremonial Cacao. Upon the first sip of the potent, earthy, bitter taste, I was quickly transported back to Ayahuasca; the unique taste took me straight back to sitting with Mother Aya six months prior... and whooooosh! my heart centre cracked right open. As I sipped the cacao, I recognised I was meeting the 'Spirit of Cacao' for the first time. I read somewhere that the difference between Cacao and Ayahuasca, is that Cacao will show you the door, not push you through it, and that intention is key. My intention that day was around healing my grieving heart.
I recall having such a profound experience during the guided inner-child meditation which followed after the cup of Cacao. A river of tears flowed, as I was reacquainted with Little Laura. My inner-child was hurting deeply; she conveyed how she felt utterly lonely, scared and abandoned. We connected at our heart centres and there I placed her. I told her that I was there for her now and that I wouldn't ever abandon her again.
Also during the meditation, I experienced a deep realisation about my life purpose: that I am a healer and I came here to heal people. I am a goddess, a Rainbow Warrior, a rainbow. I felt at one with the Universe, with all that is. I remembered my power. I breathed in golden, green and purple light, as my body merged with colourful constellations and galaxies. Droplets of love splashed against my body, cleansing me of self-loathing, pain and grief. Then there was a sound bath using quartz singing bowls, and it transported me off to another dimension entirely.
The not-so-coincidental part of it all, was that a couple of hours before the sister circle, I had pulled an oracle card from Doreen Virtue's Goddess Cards, and it was 'Ixchel', the Mayan Moon Goddess. Cacao was a revered medicine of the ancient Mayan and Aztec cultures, known as 'Food of the Gods', and they would trade cacao almost akin to a currency for goods and food.
Ixchel is known as 'Medicine Woman' or 'Lady Rainbow', as her essence is infused in water-droplets that create rainbows. I knew right then, that a new guide had entered my life, and Ixchel is still very much a guide of mine. I call upon Ixchel to assist me during spiritual healing sessions and I also feel her presence strongly every time I drink Cacao. (I will write a separate blog post on Ixchel- watch this space).
Needless to say, my journey with Cacao started then. My heart had cracked open and it simultaneously started to heal. From a difficult break-up I had just gone through the previous month, I had left behind my entire life in London and started all over again.
Cacao wasn't to return to my life for another two years. However, within that two year period, I had moved location three times including back home to Ireland, and became a mother for the first time. It was during the first six months of motherhood that Cacao called to me again. I was really struggling adjusting to motherhood, and there She was; there for me, like a dear friend whom you haven't seen for a while, but once you do, it's like you've never been apart. And so I drank cacao again in February 2021. It was like a thirst being satiated that I never even knew I had.
I ordered my first block of ceremonial cacao from Ruk'u'x Ulew (Roo-Kush-Uh-Leh-Uh) -translating as 'Heart of the Earth'-a women's collective that started as a tiny project, based in Lake Atitlan, in the Mayan Highlands of Guatemala. The cacao beans are toasted and hand-peeled by the women, who sing and pray over them, infusing the cacao with their divine feminine energy, wisdom, power and healing.
I have sat with Mama Cacao in the forest quite a lot. I would take myself there, along with my drum, my journal and my tarot cards, and a flask of freshly brewed, warm cacao, infused with chilli flakes and Himalayan salt
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I would create ritual, amongst the trees, with only the sound of birds and the wind through the trees. I would meditate (because Cacao is a meditators best friend!), drum, sing, dance, write, and connect with Tarot. I would also cry because I was grieving. Grieving the loss of my previous life (pre-mamahood), the loss of my previous relationship and also the loss of my own mother during my childhood. Cacao held me in this grief. Cacao and the trees, mother earth, the elements and the elementals. On other days, She would accompany me to a secluded West Cork beach, or a sacred site, cairn, wedge tomb or stone circle.
Cacao continuously gifts me with downloads and snippets of wisdom, words, knowledge, answers and direction. She encourages me when I feel little or no inspiration. She carries me, when I just feel so let down by those around me. She has been my company, when I have felt so fucking lonely. She has picked me up off the ground, each and every time I have stumbled. She has shown me my next steps, when I have been just completely and utterly lost. She has also led me into situations, experiences and people that my heart and soul just had to experience, because without them, I would not be who I am right now in this moment typing these words. She reminds me who I am, every single day. She is medicine. She is my anchor, my greatest ally, my teacher, and my guide. She is Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine intertwined. Soft, sensual, seductive, nurturing, creative, intuitive. Bringing me back in touch with my sexuality, my body, my heart. She is a truth bringer. A warrior. A force to be reckoned with. She has brought me to my knees, with the absolute power to lift me straight back up again. She is life itself. She is a space holder, a truth teacher and a wisdom keeper.
It's no coincidence either that I am writing my first blog post in a long time, and it is about Cacao. I knew She would get me writing again, simply because I asked if She would help me. I have been doing a lot of grieving again, this time letting go of another situation that was no longer aligning with my soul. She has held me yet again through that.
However, I am too aware of the importance of non-attachment, in that it is vital not to become attached to this heart medicine, and to develop a knowing when to let her go. In April of this year, I decided to take a conscious break from the medicine for a about six weeks, and boy oh boy!, did I receive an abundance of rich, sweet medicine as a result. Teaching me that in letting go and surrendering, it is there that I will unearth the real treasure.
How has Cacao enriched your life? I would love to hear.
Keep an eye on my Instagram pages @musingsofaluminary and @celticspirit_holistichealing for details about my upcoming workshops, which will be held in-person in West Cork. Special thanks to Mandy at @misneachcroi and the wonderful women’s collective @rukuxulew who continue to supply me with this heart medicine. A’ho.
Luminous Love,
Laura Mary Kate X
Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again - Jospeph Campbell
